New Trend For Signing Books: Autograph In Blood!

Sachin Tendulkar.

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.” ~Walter Wellesley "Red" Smith.

Red Smith (1905-1982), the great American sportswriter, would probably shake his head in wonder, then return to default position - “The natural habitat of the tongue is the left cheek” - with news of a new book signed by the author with his own blood. Traditionally, bloodletting  occurs while writing, not afterward.

Sachin Tendulkar, the ace cricketeer for Team India who is considered to be the greatest batsman in the history of the sport, has written his autobiography. Tendulkar Opus will be issued in a limited edition of ten copies signed by Tendulkar on the limitation page in his blood. Publication is scheduled for February 2011.

Each copy of the sang edition measures ten square feet, weighs 87 lbs., 9 oz., and is 852 pages long. That's not a book, that's a slab. They should break a champagne bottle over the first copy at the launch party.

Each copy will cost 75 - yes, 75 - THOUSAND dollars. The proceeds will go to charity. A trade edition of 1,000 copies sans sang will be available for between $2,000 - $3,000 each. Shipping and handling probably extra. A lot, I'm guessing.

In addition to his blood, Tendulkar is providing a sample of his saliva to be used to create his DNA profile which will then be printed on a 6' 6" gatefold in the book. I believe that falls into "value-added" territory, though what value remains unclear. I guess it'll make the book that much easier to reprint, each copy an exact duplicate to a degree never before possible and usher in an era of Clone Lit. Then again, it  may just be the most detailed author's bio ever to be found in a book, making this the ultimate autobiography.

But really, what, no sweat? No tears? For $75,000 you can keep the saliva, I want the complete holy trinity of body fluids.

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I'm pleased to have this opportunity to draw attention to Red Smith. Both he and S.J. Perelman  have become somewhat forgotten and deserve all the attention they can get from readers today. Red Smith and S.J. Perelman are at the top of writer's writers lists; They were consummate craftsmen. I have learned so much from reading them. And have had so much fun. I once owned every single first edition of Perelman's books, each a collection of his short pieces for The New Yorker, etc., and each a treasure. Those unfamiliar with Red Smith, a Pulitzer Prize-winner for his writing, should pick up a copy of The Red Smith Reader (New York: Randon House, 1982) NOW.

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Book News Notes From The ABA -U.K.

The July issue of the newsletter of the Antiquarian Booksellers' Association, the trade organization of Great Britain, has just passed under our notice. The aroma is always pleasing, with notes of ripe tartness, irreverence, and, gulp, reverence when appropriate. A few news items:

• Dubious Lemonade Out of Lemons

Two 19th century albums with blank leaves were recently presented to a U.K. dealer for appraisal. In poor condition, their value was reckoned at more than nothing but less than zero. Taken aback, their owner beseached, "But surely, the blank pages would be very useful to forgers?"

• Take Yer Anglo-Saxon Approach and Shove It!

The bookshops in the Latin Quarter of Paris are under siege. Unfortunately, not by customers. Rather, by escalating rents. Many have closed, others to follow. But this is Paris, so City Hall has gotten busy, buying up vacant properties to let them out at reasonable rents to small bookshops and publishing firms.

Mayor Bernard Delanoe declared that "these local shops are the economy, the employment, but also a way of life." The Anglo-Saxon solution - presumably to let 'em die a natural death by market strangulation - he declared to be "an insult to our soul, an insult to our identity and our economic interests."

Book lovers, Anglo-Saxon or otherwise, who, in reaction to France's criticisms of the U.S.'s Iraq invasion, eschewed all things French may now chew French fries once again in support of this action.

France: Love her or livre, the dame has class.

• Is The Premium Primo?

A lengthy piece is headlined: "Joint Buying At Auction."

Whether at Christies, Sotheby's, Bloomsbury, Swann, etc., we eagerly await the auction catalog for that sale. The buds, uh, bids, should be of interest . How high will they go?

The article is actually about secret auction rings. ("Yes! Here's my cereal box-top and 50¢ RUSH my secret auction decoder ring to me pronto so I can immediately enjoy the benefits of illegal collusion!").

• PBFA Cricketeers Triumph Over ABA

I've just spent twenty minutes reading a two page report on the recent cricket match between members of the PBFA and ABA.

It was a delight. Yet I have no idea what I just read. Amongst other things, somebody's "4 overs went for 34 runs." Don't tell his mother.

The final score: PBFA: 197 runs for 6, 28.5 overs. ABA: 196 runs for 3, 30 overs.

Heavy, ongoing runs, apparently, remain an issue.

Afterward, "a fine tea was consumed." Bought at auction? 

• Final Numbers on 2010 Olympia Antiquarian Book Fair

The averaged-out take for total number of exhibitors was £3,269,645 ($4,910,887).

The averaged-out take for total number of exhibitors at the California and New York Antiquarian Book Fairs? Consult the oracle at Delphi. The actual, definitive results of these fairs continue to be an  ongoing mystery (like cricket) but the simple yet extremely important collection of sales data so we know exactly what occurred - as opposed to cryptic, vague and non-committal verbal reporting - has yet to be implemented.

Really, this has become silly and something of an embarrassment. Wake up, this is a business. What could possibly be an issue when sales report forms would be - as in the U.K. - anonymous?

• A Book Is Not a Gadget

Nobel Prize laureate Nadine Gordimer presented a rousing speech at the opening of the Olympia Fair. An excerpt:

"There is no substitute for the book and it would be a great deprivation and danger if the book should disappear and be replaced by something with a battery...with a gadget you are always dependent on power. A book won't fall apart, you can read it on a mountain or in a bus queue. The printed word is irreplaceable and much threatened... reading the image is different from reading the text in a book."

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